Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Mission 4: Operation "Ghostbuster"

Okeyday, issen noah gonna be difficult. Jussen convincen Qui-Gon dat hesa better hide for a while to escapen der chancellor's wrath. Easy.

Qui-Gon: Man, have you been, like, doing Death Sticks?
Jar Jar: No, mesa serious! Der supreme chancellor senden mesa her to banishen yousa!
Qui-Gon: Whoa. Far out, man. Hesa paused. Like, are you sure about the Death Sticks? Cause they can give you some serious hallucinations.
Jar Jar: Mesa noah been doin Death Sticks, okeyday? Mesa noah wanten to go home and retinken mesa life!
Qui-Gon: You are serious, aren't you, Jar? Look, man, I'm cool with the whole self-preservation thing. But I can't run and hide.
Jar Jar: Thissen noah a time to be worryen about being a coward!
Qui-Gon: It's not that. I'm, like, the public face of Uncle Jinn & JJ's brownies! I'm a benign, fatherly, force-ghost. Jawajuice... well, no offense to JJ, man, but have you ever seen a Jawa under those hoods they all wear? That is nasty!
Jawajuice: It's true. Losing Qui could hurt our sales. People just don't trust Jawas. I mean, only 20% or so of us are kleptomaniacs, but people just don't buy from us. On Tatooine, they ain't got no choice. But neither do we - the rest of the galaxy is pretty much enemy territory. Why do you think our race still lives there? Jeez, it's not as if we like it.
Jar Jar: Yousa noah understanden! Der chancellor issen after Qui-Gon, and if mesa can noah proven to Palpatine dat mesa banishen himsa, hesa will firen mesa and senden someone else - maybe a professional exorcist.
Qui-Gon: Look, Jar Jar, if you can, like, find a replacement for me, I'll go and hide somewhere. But it's just, like, temporary. Don't expect me to sit around on Dantooine or some place chewing spice forever.
Jar Jar: A replaceyment? Hmm...

Ten minutes later, outside the local Wal-Mart...
Qui-Gon: Like, are you sure about this?
Jar Jar: Of course mesa sure. Cousin Can Can hassen never letten mesa down. Although, since mesa never relyen on hersa for anyting in der first place...
Can Can Binks: Okeyday, kids! Uncle Jinn & JJ's super-secret recipie brownies, now available in coffee flavour!
Human Child: Where's Uncle Qui-Gon?
Can Can Binks: Er... hesa busy. Hesa go away on business trip. To visiten hissen mother-in-law.
Human Child: But you said business?
Can Can Binks: Er... kid, letten mesa tellen yousa someting about mothers-in-law...
Jawajuice: This had better be temporary, Qui. I'm serious.

24 Comments:

Blogger Jabafatboy said...

I had some of their brownies years ago, Lost 4 days of my life. Dont remember a thing.
Ended up with a wifiepoo & 4 younglings.

2:23 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Not all mother-in-laws are bad... I think Qui had the advantage, if he ever got a surly kid who tried to kick him, he wouldn't feel it.

6:29 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Um, sounds like trouble in Brownie-land. You can trust Jar-Jar, but you have to be like TOTALLY clear with your instructions. Otherwise, he'll go and do something like the exact opposite of what you've been working toward for years. {Muttering to herself} Emergency powers. Psh.

3:49 PM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

I think I can smell our profits falling.

Oh, and the breakdown of Jawa careers is as follows:
32% Droid repo salesmen (or anything else mechanical we can get our hands on)
23% kleptomaniacs (but only 7% actually do anything with the stolen items, the other 16% just dig a hole and bury it.)
15% Womprat wrangler
12% circus clowns
7% sand diggers
5% foot stools
3% adult escort
2% donated lab experiments
1% bloggers

4:00 PM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

A big demand for Jawa adult escorts, are there?

2:53 AM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Hey, who knew?
There are a lot of lonely people out in the desert. *shudder*

5:38 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Circus clown, shudder. Is there anything lower?

Oh yeah, morning zoo DJ's.

8:55 AM  
Blogger Revan said...

What happened to you in episode 3?

10:42 AM  
Blogger Jar Jar Binks said...

Mister Lucas cutten mesa out. Hmph. Hesa sayen mesa detracten from der story. Hmph. So much for preserven der facts as theysa happened. If yousa ever maken a documentary, noah cutten characters out. Theysa getten grumpy and come back for revenge.

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