More Pain...

Mesa gonna haven to usen crappy Coruscant public transport for a while longer...

*sighs*

Mesa crashen der speeder and BOOM! Maybe mesa shoulden haven just gotten another crappy Naboo speeder. Mesa wassen usen dat one for three years without a problem. Although, mesa did have itsa repaired... eh... sixteen... carry the four... times by three... divide by last September... forty-two times.

Well, itsa noah all bad. Dere issen another party. Aayla issen celebrating... er... mesa forget what. But itsa issen berry important, mesa sure itsa will come back to mesa.

Now mesa gonna getten some food. Der Coruscant convenience stores issen muy convenient, theysa just fly past yousa window if yousa ringen themsa in advance.

Why Public Transport Issen Bad

Mesa eventually decided on der green speeder. Kit hassen made a good point about der orange one, but mesa tinken mesa would fall off a speeder bike. Mesa still hassen to usen public transport for a few days, while JawaJuice hotwi- eh-heh - touches up mesa new speeder.

Der first ting mesa noticed issen dat Coruscant hassen berry few buses. So mesa had to take a taxi. Dissen tings need proper walls! Theysa haven open tops, so mesa fell out! If Aayla hadn't been on hersa way to work and usen der Force to stop mesa fallen, mesa would be froggy paste! Ouchie.

Mesa plannen to asken Senator Padme to proposen a "Public Transport Reformation Bill" in der senate. Mesa hopen mesa can picken up der new speeder soon.

Hmm... green... or orange... or blue?

Mesa hassen been to Jawajuice's new place to looky at speeders. Hesa issen haven a lot of different kinds of speeders. Itsa issen difficult to choose... mesa asken if any of dem can goin in a swamp. Hesa sayen none, since no one issen wanting to buy swampy speeders back on Tatooine. Eventually, mesa asken for one with a good autopilot since mesa rememberen how der last one crashed - dat wassen a crappy Naboo speeder with no autopilot. Mesa issen also wanten someting dat issen pretty fast - but not as fast as Ani's since dat one issen so fast only a podracer can drive itsa properly. Dissen narrows it down to der speeders here:

Which do yousa tink?

Oo-er...

Dissen issen definootely a scammen. Apparently, der e-mails about usen der Force are comen from a computer dat issen belongen to a registered member of der Sith Lords Union. Senator Padme's intern issen sayen "Dooroo, diggida! Errip tipp tipp too!" which mesa tinken means either "Can I have a raise?" or "He lives at 545 Techno Lane on Coruscant" but possibly both. Mesa needen to learnen how to speaken Ewok. Maybe tomorrow, mesa go and look. Mesa goin to stop by Jawajuice's place to looky at speeders now. Mesa gotta go.

Mesa tinken dissen issen a scam...

Remember mesa mentioned mesa issen taking a Force-usen correspondence course? Mesa noah tinken itsa issen endorced by der Jedi Council. Why? Because of dese four tings...
1) In der e-mails mesa getten every week, theresa issen no mentionen of der Jedi Council *at all*. Mesa tinken dis issen suspiscious...
2) Der e-mails hassen "Not Endorced by the Official Jedi Council" on der end of dem. Mesa tinken dissen issen also suspicious.
3) In der time mesa hassen been doin dis correspondence course, mesa hassen noah improven at all in usen der force.
4) Some people cannot count. Unfortunately, Jar Jar Binks is one of them. This bullet point has only been left in for the sake of political correctness. Jar Jar will resume talking now.
Mesa issen berry suspicious. Mesa hassen asked one of Senator Padme's interns to researchen dis for mesa. If hesa can find out where theysa issen liven, mesa will investigate further.

Jawajuice's Party

Mesa and Senator Padme went to a party on Tatooine at a travelling salesman's housen. Mesa not rememberen much, but mesa head hurten and der hangover cures mesa asken everyonesa for a few weeks ago issen not worken. But mesa will say dissen for Jawajuice: dat wassen a bombad party! Mesa wassen goin to talken to himsa about der new speeder hesa sayen hesa can sellen mesa, but mesa wassen unconscious for most of der time and wesa arriven late anyway because Senator Padme's handmaidens were off duty and itsa taken hours to do hersa hair without themsa. Mesa stabbed mesaself with a hairpin three times.
Jawajuice, wesa talken about speeder later, please?

Mesa needen new speeder

Mesa issen haven a really bad day. First mesa alarm clock broke, so mesa didn't waken up until nine thirty, so mesa haven no time for mornen munchen. Mesa getten dressed and maken coffee at der same time, so now dere issen coffee stains on mesa robes and mesa coffee wassen full of shredded cotton. Den mesa driven through Coruscant in mesa cruddy old Naboo speeder, breaken der speed limit all der way, while tryen to post dissen entry with mesa laptop computer. Itsa went badly.
Mesa issen aching all over. Mesa cruddy old Naboo speeder issen now a cruddy old Naboo scrap heap. Itsa wassen not insured, either; der insurance companies issen vampires! Theirsa prices issen waay too high. And, mesa gotten a pile of forms as high as mesa head on mesa desk.
Can anyone recomenden a place to get a new speeder? Or at least an insurance company whosa not hiren extortionists?

Can mesa come back now?

Senator Padme, mesa issen tired and hungry. Mesa learnen to usen der force and all, but itsa noah goin well, and mesa hassen got noah job. Der Jedi Temple threw mesa out when mesa tried to become der janitor, and now mesa got nothing else to do. Mesa needen money for food, and mesa can't even remember why mesa ran away in der first place. So, can mesa pleeeze get back to mesa old job?

P.S.
If der new assistant yousa found issen good, hesa can stay. Two issen better than one.

Mesa Gonna Be A Jedi (sort of...)

After mesa getten kicked out of der temple, mesa starten to tink. Der Force issen bombad. Mesa could fix a lot of problems in mesa life with der Force. So, mesa starten a correspondence course in der Force. Mesa getten an e-mail every week, and learnen how to use der Force! Mesa hassen already built mesa first lightsabre - looky looky!





Thissen wassen just before itsa blew up. But mesa try again soon. Mesa can also lift up a tiny piece of paper 1 cm off der table with mesa mind. Itsa not much... but mesa tryen.

What? Mesa a great janitor!

Mesa applied for a job at der Jedi Temple today. Mesa figgered, mesa not gonna be a Jedi anytime soon, but maybe mesa could be theirsa janitor. Dat not going to be much protection from Senator Padme, but perhappen itsa will be some. So, mesa getten mesa mop, and bucket, and broom, and brush, and acidic cleanen fluid, and goin to der temple. Theysa let me in, but den tings getten strange. Theys asken mesa to lift tings with mesa mind. Mesa managen to move a piece of paper half a centimetre. But only when mesa blew on it. Den, theysa asked me to tell dem what picture wassen on a little screen theysa had. Der catch wassen, theysa didn't show mesa der front of der screen. Mesa mentioned dis to themsa, and den bombad Master Windu drop-kicked mesa out of der temple.
Mesa head issen berry sore...

Free!

Mesa issen almost sure dat buildings dis confusing issen illegal on all der core worlds. But, mesa out now. And now, mesa issen getten paid again (if Senator Padme doesn't cut mesa off). Since now mesa haven money, mesa went to der fish market for a snack. Remind mesa never to go dere again. Coruscant issen noah haven real fish - theysa all issen dead because of der pollution or something. Der fish theysa do have issen made of bio-something-or-other plastic. Theysa wassen charging mesa 50 credits for "mackineeck-tooled plastic in authentic fishy shapes". Hmph. Even der food on Tatooine issen better dan dis (no offensen, Ani). But itsa probably issen for der best...
5 minutes later...
Mesa just found out that Senator Padme *has* stoppen mesa payrole. Mesa gonna haven to get a part-time job...

Still Avoiden Padme

Mesa back in der office block where mesa usually worken. But, mesa still usen mesa laptop to post dis. Dis issen because mesa had to runnen into a side corridor to avoid Senator Padme (mesa still not completely sure shesa hassen calmed down). Now mesa know why shesa always told mesa never to go to other parts of der building. Mesa completely lost. Mesa issen usually worken in der public relations department for Senator Padme's political faction. Now, mesa tinken mesa issen in der accounten department. Most of der workers here never actually go home (mesa tink theysa just pass out underneath theirsa desks with a pillow and blanket). Mesa can't find mesa way back to der public relations department now. Itsa berry confusing. But Senator Padme doesn't come down to der accounten department, so mesa probably safe here. There should be maps of thissen place!

Ooh, mesa head...

Senator Padme sayen shesa issen not angry anymore, but mesa tinken shesa bluffing. Just to make sure, mesa gonna hide in der lower levels of Couruscant for one more day. Mesa went to nightclub Ani recommended. Mesa should have known dat anyting Ani recommenden issen gonna be berry noisy and berry painful. Now mesa head hurten berry much. Mesa needen hangover cures, please posten any dat work. But not dese ones, mesa already tryen dem three times.

• Dunk your head in a bucket of water and hold it there for as long as you can (mesa can breathe underwater, so dis one issen kind of pointless)
• Mix some of Dooku's Brew and drink it (mesa tinken Ani wanted to get back at mesa... ooer, thissen made itsa worse...)
• Eat a gallon of tomato ketchup (dis one noah worken either, but mesa found dat mesa quite liken tomato ketchup)
• Acupuncture (mesa ran away when theysa tryen to stick needles into mesa)
• Hit yourself in the forehead with a large mallet (ouchie)

None of dese worken, so noah tryen dem yousa self if yousa getten hangovers. And don't listen to Ani either, hesa issen experienced with hangovers, but hesa has a berry nasty streak.

Ooh... mesa head...

Phew, just missen mesa

Mesa back on Couruscant now. Senator Padme issen noah here. While mesa wassen leaven Naboo, just before der ship mesa wassen on went to hyperspeed, a bunch of bombad Republic cruisers appeared, and theysa started blockading Naboo! Itsa reminded mesa of der battle a longo time ago... Senator Padme's big shiny ship wassen dere as well. Shesa always sayen dat hersa ship issen unarmed, dat itsa only haven shields. Hmph. Mesa issen hersa personal assistant, remember. Mesa seen der inside of dat thing. Itsa der most bombad ship in der whole Republic fleet! Itsa gotten *loads* of guns. Anyway, mesa issen honored dat Senator Padme blockaded hersa own planet just to get revenge against mesa, but mesa berry scared now.

Issen *Not* April Fool's Day

Hmph. How wude... Obi, mesa realisen dat yousa a bombad Jedi Master and mesa just Senator Padme's assistant, but yousa must control Ani better. Der huge electricity bill wassen all a big joke! Ani and some other padawan dressed up to scare mesa! When theysa came back, mesa got down on ground and grovelled, and pleaded for mesa life. Den Ani pulled off hissen helmet. Not funny. But mesa mixen dem some of "Dooku's Brew" (der recipie issen on Count Dooku's blog) and given it to themsa to drinken just to show dat dere wassen "no hard feelings". Heh heh heh...

Life, Death and Taxes

Da Naboo say theysa peaceful. Most of themsa issen berry peaceful. But some... Mesa realised dat when mesa left mesa old house in Otoh Gunga, mesa forgetten to turn off der light in der kitchen. Mesa not been back for ten years, and der Naboo Planetary Electricity Grid hassen sent mesa a bill for 649, 211 credits! Mesa noah haven dat kind of money! At first, mesa ignoren itsa. But den, at mesa hotel (which, Senator Padme, issen *nowhere near* Harte Secur) some Naboo came to mesa room. Theysa asken me to payen der bill *or else*. Theysa haven some berry big guns... and Obi, mesa thought only Jedi had lightsabres! Theysa said dat theysa come back tomorrow! Whatta mesa do?

Why Mesa?

Oooh boy... Mesa should have listened to Obi and Wookieehobbit's advice... Or at least chosen a less bombad battle droid. Itsa went berserk last night! Mesa wassen up half der night tryen to catch it. Mesa buy some boomas from der Gungan general store, but now mesa knowen dat itsa a beerry bad idea to give office assistants shield generators. Anyway, itsa rolled down into Theed (Senator Padme, mesa nowhere *near* Theed right now... *honest*...) and crashen through der fruit and veges market. Den, itsa blowen up stuff with itsa bombad lasers. Mesa wassen running around screaming (what would yousa do?) and den mesa gotten itsa attention. Itsa went back into wheelie-mode, den itsa slipped on a banana skin. Itsa couldn't get up! Mesa managed to turn off der droid. Mesa put it out next inorganic collection day, mesa tinks...

So Good Bein Home!

Mesa posten dis with mesa laptop computer from Naboo. Mesa will not say *where* on Naboo, since Senator Padme reads mesa blog, and mesa worry shesa might send bounty hunters after mesa. Maybe mesa will buy hersa some shoes while mesa here, then mebbe shesa not be so angry at mesa. Today, mesa found a wheelie-droid left over from der battle years and years ago. Now mesa tryen to reprogram itsa to be office assistant. Mesa haven to learn how to program droids first, but itsa goin well. Mesa thought about removen der blasters and der shield, but den mesa thought: what if der Separatists tryen ter take over der building where Senator Padme's office issen? Den a battle droid might come in handy...

Oops...

Mesa in trouble now... Senator Padme started yelling at mesa today. Shesa sayen dat yesterday mesa signed a form to have der Royal Palace at Theed demolishen, and a form to have der fleet of Naboo starfighters be sold to der Federation du Trade, *and* a form to have hersa royal starship scrapped! At first mesa sayen dat I didn't do it, but den mesa rememberen all dose forms mesa signed yesterday wit der photocopier... From now on, mesa tink mesa should always read forms *before* mesa signen dem. Eh heh... Senator Padme sayen it gonna take her days to sort it out. Mesa tinken mesa usen some of mesa vacation time until dis blows over...

Paperworken Issen Finished!

Mesa getten soo much paperwork! Every mornin, before mesa even had my mornin munchen, Senator Padme gives mesa a pile of forms as high as mesa head and as wide as der boss's belly! Mesa have to sign all of dem before lunchen, every day... Today, mesa got tired of it. Took dem all down to photocopier outside Senator Padme's office. Mesa usen der photocopier to print mesa signature on *all* der forms. Mesa haten der photocopier, because itsa always breaken. Annie says dat der photocopier in der Jedi Temple hasn't been worken for... ages ago! Dey share Senator Padme's laser printer. Now, mesa getten all mesa paperworken done in five minutes. Whoohoo!

Hidoe!

Mesa Jar Jar Binks! Mesa come from Otoh Gunga city, on Naboo. Issa nice place, but der Boss issa berry grumpy sometimes. Now, mesa worken for Senator Padme. Sometimes mesa getten important jobs, but mesa tinken shesa not trust mesa much... A lotta people tink mesa berry clumsy, but mesa not dat bad! Mesa only tripped over mesa shoelaces four times last week, so mesa improving.

Mesa gotta go now, de Supreme Chancellor wants me to motion for da creation of a clone army.