Monday, December 19, 2005

Worken for der Chancellor

Mesa arriven at der Chancellor's office thissen mornen, where an horrific scene awaiten mesa. Mesa wassen wearen mesa bestest official robes. In contrast, Palpatine, Supreme Chancellor of der Republic, wassen wearen berry little at all. Mesa became familiar with hissen banana-yellow speedoes along with all der other Survivor: Tatooine contestants a few monthies ago. Today, hissen sunroof wassen open and hesa wassen lyin in a deck chair in der middle of hissen office wearing noahting but speedoes.

"Argh! Mesa eyes!"
"What? What? Oh! Argh! I was just... um... working on my tan... you know... the smog and pollution and stuff..." hesa trailed off.
"Er... mesa sorry, mister Chancellor, sir."
"Hmm? Wha- Oh! Yes, yes - *ahem* - so you should be... uh... Jam Jar, isn't it?"
"Issen Jar Jar. Mesa Jar Jar Binks. Remember?"
"Oh... yes, I remember... One of that bloodsucking Mabitt Tribe... they shall all pay, but this one shall be first, yes..."
"Sorry? Whatsa yousa sayen?"
"*Ahem* Nothing. Now, your first assignment shall be... hmm... perhaps I can turn them against each other... there's Aayla, Fluke, Qui-Gon, Leia, and... ah... Where was I? Your first assignment shall be to... doctor... Obi-Wan Kenobi's beer stocks! Specifically, I want you to remove every trace of alcohol from every can! Muwhahahahaha!"
"Er... mesa yousa office assistant, mister Chancellor, sir. Mesa noah an espionage expert."
"Oh. You aren't?" Hesa seemen disappointed. "Don't they train sub-senators in black-ops anymore? I mean, it's not as if this task is on the level of 'sneak into a guarded facility on Geonosis and plant a bomb to destroy the whole separatist army' now, is it? Well, I want you to try anyway. Use whatever methods seem appropriate. Obi-Wan fights at his best while blind drunk, so this will give me a major advantage when I give Order 66."
"Order 66?"
"Er... Oh, Sithspawn! Did I say that out loud? Well... Order 66 is the order I give when... uh... I want all the Jedi to... hold a tournament! With betting! Yes! And I can bet on whoever is fighting Obi-Wan, you see? Clever, no?"
"Oh. Okeyday. Mesa will try, then. Yousa der boss, mesa supposen."
"Excellent. Right now, Obi-Wan is out on a mission to find a place called 'TVland' looking for a human known as Ernest, so it shouldn't be difficult to sneak into his rooms at the temple and fix this up. Off you go." Mesa goin to leave, but when mesa goin through der door, mesa turnen around.
"Mister Chancellor, sir, maybe yousa should put some pants on."
"What? I'm not nearly finished sunning myself!"

13 Comments:

Blogger Noel of Neptonian said...

I have never seen his banana-yellow ones.

But I did arrive early to a meeting one and caught him in one that had kiss marks all over them.

Now THAT was scary....

10:30 PM  
Blogger Vegeta said...

great there's a horrifying mental image

1:55 AM  
Blogger Jabafatboy said...

Remove all the alcohol , Ill do it, Ill do it, Ill do it.

Crap, why dont I ever get the cool missions

2:38 AM  
Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said...

My red velvet speedos were in the laundry.

8:22 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:28 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Yeah, I hope your pay increase is pretty impressive, becuase the chancellor in a yellow speedo, ucky. The last time I saw a guy in speedos he also really needed to vist Master Windu's waxing specialist. Hopefully it's not that bad for you.

6:20 PM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Enough to have to look at that, no amount of money is.

I think against union regulations that is.

4:18 PM  
Blogger Obi-Wan Kenobi said...

It ain't no secret the Chanceller's an ol wierdo. Not as secret as the secret beer stash six doors down on the left in the second-floor hall.

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