Mission 3: Operation "Wesa goin' on a Twi'lek hunt"

Mesa figuren der best place to start would be der Twi'lek homeworld, Ryloth. Issen a wierd place. One one side of der planet, issen always daytime. On der other side, issen always nighttime. In der bit where der Twi'lek all live, issen always five-thirty on a Friday evening. Or perhaps seven-thirty on a Saturday morning. Yousa can noah ever tell.

Of course, mesa noah dere for sightseeing. Mesa gotta find Aayla Secura. Itsa can be noah so hard - shesa issen blue! How many blue Twi'lek women can theresa possibly by on der Twi'lek homeworld?

"Aayla! Aayl- er... sorry, miss."
"Hey! Yousa! Aayla Sec- sorry, yousa looky like someone mesa knowen."
"Aayl- oh, forgetten itsa..."
Okeyday, mebbe mesa should have looked up hersa Ryloth address in der Order Directory before mesa leaven. Theresa so many caves... hersa clan mussen liven in one of themsa! Mesa will finden a telephone box. A phone book will help.

Aayl'asecuqux, Aayl'asecuquy, Aayl'asecuquz... Okeyday, here wesa are: Aayl'asecura. Lucky theresa a map in thissen phone book. Should be easy to find der cave.

Okeyday, thissen should be der last hill. No, theresa another valley ahead. Down into der valley and up der next hill... and theresa another valley. Down and up again, and down again and up again, and down again and - wait. Back up der way mesa came. Yes, thissen der right cave. Knock on der- theresa noah door. Noah panic, Jar Jar, jussen ring der doorbe- theresa noah doorbell! Okeyday, Jar Jar, now yousa can panic. EARGHARAGHARHARGARAGH! EEEEE!

"What's all the noise about? Why is someone screaming outside my- Jar Jar? What are you doing here on Ryloth?"
"EEEAARRREEEARRREEAREAREARIIII! EE-oh... er... hello, Aayla... er... nice day."
"It's evening. It's always evening. It's been five-thirty p.m. on Friday the seventeenth of August for well over ten thousand years. The Twi'lek people have saved a fortune from not having to purchase calenders."
"Oh... of course..."
"Well, come in. Would you like some coffee?"
"WOULD mesa?"

"You've kind of caught me at a bad time, I've finished my research on Darth Hidious, Darth Mrow, Darth Gollum and Darth Smeagol, and Darth Wayne, but I still have some work to do on one of the most devious and evil of them all - Darth Oprah. I have Master Yoda's files on her, but we still need more information."
"Yousa been studyen Darth Oprah for four months!?"
"Has it been that long? Oh no - I haven't bought any new clothes since I've been doing the work for Sith Awareness Week! Everything I have is probably out of fashion by now!"
"But... Sith Awareness Week issen over."
"Yeah, but it was kinda a big flop. If I prepare well for next year, though, and get some better publicity for it, it'll work out just great."
"Okeyday... well, mesa here on a mission."
"What kind of mission?"
"To find yousa! Der Chancellor sent mesa to - uh... find out what yousa know about der Sith."
"The Chancellor? I should have seen this coming. I need more coffee."
"Why? Whatsa issen wrong with der Chancellor?"
"*Sigh* You are so clueless, Jar Jar. Did he feed you some story about Sith connections in Darkside Foods that he "honestly didn't know about"? Because he told me the same thing. And I believed him. But during my research, I keep finding little unexplainable discrepancies, like someone is covering up the mistakes of all the Sith. Take Darth Hidious's operation on Hoth, for example. After Mace Windu killed his psychotic clone, he went straight back to Coruscant. He was overdue for his scalp care appointment; he didn't realise that there might be Sith secrets hidden inside Hidious's computers. I sent a probe droid to Hoth, but when it got there, someone had taken all the fridge magnets off of Darth Hidious's freezer and stuck them on the computers. The data was irretrievably corrupted."
"So? Mebbe Darth Hidious put themsa dere so noahone would find hissen secret plans?"
"No. One of the fridge magnets wasn't Sith-issue. It was a picture of a bright yellow speedo. Only one person in the galaxy would ever have a yellow speedo-shaped fridge magnet."
"Yousa meanen... der Supreme Chancellor issen helpen der Sith?"
"Worse. I think that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith."