Thursday, December 22, 2005

Mission 1: Operation Sober-Obi

Thissen whole ting seemen a little bitty suspicious. Mesa hassen never hearen of thissen "order 66" before, and mesa tinken der Chancellor hassen an ulterior motive. Hesa always keeped talken to himsaself... But hey, issen can noah be that bad, right?

Mesa sneeken into der Jedi temple berry stealthily, quieterer than a whisper... and bangen into Master Yoda on hissen way out.
"Jar Jar? Doing what you are here, hmm?"
"Er... mesa sorry, Master Yoda, mesa can noah tellen yousa. Official businesses."
"Tell me you will what doing here you are."
"Tellen yousa mesa will whatsa doin here mesa issen..."
"Doing here are you what, Jar Jar?"
"Mesa on a mission for der Chancellor... mesa gotta taken all der alcohol out of Obi's beer supply..."
Yoda's ears perken up when hesa hearen thissen.
"Kenobi's beer? Help you I will. Perhaps less irritating when he is sober, Kenobi will be. Know for certain I do not. Never seen him sober before have I."

Yoda's key getten ussen into Obi's room, but hissen storeroom hassen a different lock. Issen a berry secure combination lock with ten digits.
"Hmm. Use the force to open this, perhaps I can."
Yoda starten to wave hissen hands at der door. Mesa stood back and throwen some boomas at der door.
"Jar Jar! Trying to kill me are y-argh!"
"Oh... sorry, Master Yoda."
Hesa looken unconscious, but hesa will probably be okeyday. And mesa boomas scramblen der combination lock and breaken itsa, so now der door wassen open. Mesa walken inside.

So much beer. Rows and rows of cans, wall to wall and floor to ceiling, and huge piles of cheeto bags too! How much can Obi possibly needen? But dere wassen someone else dere too. A Jedi youngling.
"*Hic* Hi, Jar Jar!" Hesa knowen mesa, but mesa can noah tellen der younglings apart. Human children all looky der same to mesa.
"Whosa are yousa, and why yousa in Obi's beer supply?"
"My name'sh *hic* Harvey. I'm guarding Mashter Kenobi'sh *hic* supply room until he getsh back from TVland."
"Hassen yousa been drinken Obi's beer?" mesa asken.
"Well... I got shtuck in here *hic* and couldn't open the door 'cause it was locked. I got thirsty. And hungry, so I *hic* ate his cheetoes too. Hey, do you *hic* wanna shee my toys? We can play a game if you *hic* want."
"No, mesa busy. Mesa on official business for der Chancellor."
"Oh, okay. Maybe *hic* later."
"HARVEY! There are you! Looking for you for days I have been!"
"Uh-oh..."
"Harvey! Drinking Kenobi's beer have you been? Tell you did I not that old enough to drink beer you are not?"
"But I was thirsty!"
"No buts you may say! Come with me now you must, or give you a force-wedgie I will."
"Fine..."
Harvey and Yoda leaven mesa alone with der beer. Mesa sighed and starten to picken up der cans.

"Jar Jar? What are you doing back so soon?" Mesa closen mesa eyes - der Chancellor wassen still sunnen himsaself in hissen speedo.
"Er... can mesa usen one of yoursa chemical plants? Mesa noah haven der equipment to getten der alcohol out of thissen beer." Mesa pointen at der speeder full of cans parken outside der window.
"Yes, yes, fine. Just make sure you do every can and put them all back exactly as you found them. Obi-Wan, check. Next... how about Princess Leia? Yes, good. Report for your next mission at... er... as soon as I've gotten changed."

6 Comments:

Blogger Jabafatboy said...

Bring em to my Place, I Know how to get all the alcohol out.

Old Hutt Trick, Very very secret.

4:10 AM  
Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said...

I wonder what I could be up to next?

10:14 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

I'd watch out, you might get another promotion, and it seems like the Chancellor gets more familiar and umm, comforatble, with every promotion. Scary sites could await you as you rise through the ranks.
Watch your back, Jar Jar

6:45 PM  
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