Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Adventures in the Potato Trade: Part 7

Okeyday... Noahone hassen responden to mesa call for help. Typical. Sometimes, mesa tinken everyone really haten mesa and only ever comen near mesa so theysa can watchen mesa trip over mesa shoelac- yargh!
*Jar Jar falls flat on his face*

Mesa issen in E'etooi's trailor park home. Issen deserted, excepten for a few realtors. Hesa in hissen caravan - mesa can see himsa through one of der holes in der wall. Mesa issen guarden by mesa grandmother. Shesa wassen always so nice to mesa, maken woolly pink cardigans and cookies, so why shea so evil now?

"Mesa can seein what yousa typen, Jar Jar."

"Oh... eh... heh heh..."

"Mesa probably should noah tellen yousa, but hey, whatsa could happenen? Mesa meeten E'etooi a few years ago, while yousa were away with yousa fancy government duties - ungrateful grandkid that yousa are. Hesa promissen mesa power, respect, and a great dental plan. Hesa wassen lying. Five years later, and mesa teeth are fallen out. But der power and respect part... Sure, itsa taken a bit of surgery, but mesa immune to Force attacks now! Mesa bombad at fighting Jedi!"
Hmm... mesa tinken mesa can doin someting about thissen - mesa still hassen one potato in mesa pocket. If mesa can squeezen der juice out of itsa, mesa can maken a magical potion to incapicacassitaten hersa! Mesa jussen needen to keepen hersa busy a little longer...

"Why would yousa wanten to fighten Jedi?"

"Well... when mesa wassen a kid, mesa wassen always wanten to be a bounty hunter, or an Intergalactic Gladiator, or someting like thassen. Theysa berry cool jobs!"

"Ooookeyday... So, whatsa E'etooi wanten with mesa?"

"Hesa jussen wanten someone to control hissen takeover of der galaxy for himsa whil hesa busy with roadkill taxidermy. Anyonesa could doing itsa, but hesa wanten revenge on yousa as well."

"Revenge? Mesa? Why?"

"Issen rule number 42 of der Darksider's Handbook - Any apprentice whosa turnen to der Dark Side mussen seeken revenge on theirsa former master."

"Oh. Mesa should have noah asken. How yousa becomen immune to der Force?"

"Mesa hassen Ysalamiri blood in mesa veins now - theysa block Force powers with der anti-midichlorians in theirsa blood. E'etooi sayen mebbe mesa would getten anaemia or someting, but thassen probably noahting important."

"Okeyday... Well, whatever thassen meanen..." Mesa out of questions! Issen now or never!

*Jar Jar throws the potato at Tuppaware Tuppaware's head, knocking her out.*

Well... Issen easier then maken a potion. Now, mesa mussen confronten E'etooi...


Blogger JawaJuice said...

Oh wow...eh...how did I miss the call for help against my evil uncle?
(to bartender...)No...keep em coming.
Eh..jezz, I'll just zip on over there as soon as I finish this last drink....or mayby the next one after that.
But sometime in the next few hours...Days...before I black out or sober up...or somethin'
...really...I'll be right...eh...what were we talking about?

3:54 PM  
Blogger F.O.O.F. said...

Oooo! OOOooo! We'll rescue you!
All we ask in return is that you help us find Fluke.

3:56 PM  
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4:11 PM  

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