Sunday, November 06, 2005

Adventures in the Potato Trade: Part 6

Whassen mesa doin? Mesa realisen thissen mornen dat mesa been producen der same kinds of food mesa swearen to purge from der galaxy! Deep-fried chips dripping with fat... Der strange guy in der brown robe came to mesa apartment thissen morning. Hesa tellen mesa to expanden into other fast food... chicken nuggets made of reconstituted fat and gristle, soft-serve ice cream made of chicken fat... Mesa snappen out of itsa then. And then, mesa realisen whosa hesa wassen.

Jawajuice's crazy uncle E'etooi. And mesa grandmother, Tuppaware Tuppaware Binks, wassen with himsa! Mesa should have knowen dat hesa wassen behind der troubles on Naboo a few weeks ago! Theysa noah liken dat mesa wassen noah longer going along with theirsa plans. So now, mesa locked up in E'etooi's cargo ship, headen for der trailor park on Tatooine where hesa liven. Mesa may as well passen der time tellen yousa all someting... *Sigh* Mesa used to knowen himsa, before E'etooi turnen evil like thissen...

Before mesa becomen Senator Padme's assistant here, mesa wassen a plumber on Naboo, in Otoh Gunga city. Mesa wassen noah a bombad plumber. Mesa wassen so bad at plumbing, mesa getten exiled for itsa. Yousa knowen how itsa issen. But before mesa wassen a plumber, mesa wassen a chef. Der best chef in Otoh Gunga, probabibly der best chef on Naboo. Mesa cakes wassen renowned throughout der Gungan world, mesa roast dinners wassen famed. Den, assen der custom goes, mesa taken on an apprentice.

E'etooi. Mesa meeten himsa at a cullinary summit on Tatooine. Hissen clan happenen to be hosten itsa. Mesa never meeten hissen immediate family, but mesa met hissen nephew, Jawajuice, later. Mesa taken himsa on as an apprentice chef. Hesa had bombad talent! Hesa could maken an appetizen, non-fattening meal out of roadkill (in fact, thassen wassen hissen specialty - hesa wassen a little insane even then). Jawas were never good chefs, but wesa all tinken hesa would be a Master Chef before long - maybe even get a seat on der Chef Council.

But E'etooi wassen seduced by der Dark Side of Cuisine. Hissen meals became more and more unhealthy as time passen, and eventualally, hesa discovered der secret of maken food with 105% fat content. Itsa could have been a disaster, but wesa were lucky. Der power of der Dark Side of Cuisine wassen too much for himsa, and hesa wassen driven insane. Hesa goen back to Tatooine, to hissen family. Mesa never seein himsa again. Mesa gave up being a chef after that. How could mesa keep going? Mesa apprentice had become der greatest Dark Chef ever! Mesa had hopen hesa would never come back, that hesa would be happy on hissen homeworld, practising taxidermy on der roadkill hesa used to so elegantly cook. Mesa tinken hesa came back because hissen nephew, Jawajuice, became such a greater cook than hesa ever wassen. Now, hesa mussen be stopped.

Wesa hassen arriven at Tatooine. If anyone can hearen mesa, now would be a good time to come and helpen out!


Blogger Shaak Ti said...

Hey! I am imprisoned too! Hey, how do you hav a computer if you are in a cargo ship? I dunno. Once I get outta here, I'll come and help you.


4:00 AM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Hmmm... seductive the Dark Side of Cuisine is. Tasty it is. Give in, a Jedi must not.

4:03 AM  
Blogger Obi-Wan Kenobi said...

Do they happen to make Cheetos?

9:56 AM  
Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said...

Mmmmmm. Cookies are dark side food too.

5:31 AM  

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