Saturday, November 12, 2005

Adventures in the Potato Trade: Epliogue

The Narrator: In the concussion ward of Mos Eisley General Hospital, Jar Jar, Frick, and Frack have just arrived outside E'etooi's room, hoping to pay the crazy archvillain a visit. As they are about to enter, Jawajuice walks out of the door.
Jar Jar: Hidoe, JJ! How yousa doin'?
Jawajuice: Oh, all things considered, I've been worse.
Frick: Look, Jawajuice, we're sorry we... like... crashed our spaceship on your uncle's head.
Frack: Yeah, really sorry... Psst! Frick was driving!
Frick: I heard that!
Jawajuice: There's nothing to apologise for. Apparently, you did the crazy old coot a favour. The doctors tell me that an injury like that would normally be enough to really screw with someone's mind. Of course, Uncle E'etooi's mind was already pretty surreal. It seems that, for the first time in about twenty years, he's been adding two and two together and *not* getting Thursday.
Frack: Whoohoo! So, not only have we saved the galaxy from an insane master criminal, but we actually restored his sanity!
Frick: Another great victory for the Followers of Ol' Fluke! Now, if you'll excuse us, we have to go and find Fluke. We heard a rumour he was on Dantooine...
The Narrator: They leave, discussing the possible whereabouts of Fluke Starbucker.
Jar Jar: So, hesa gonna be okeyday? Mesa knowen hesa usen mesa for hissen evil schemes... and tryen to kill Qui-Gon a second time... and corrupten mesa grandmother and turnen hersa to der dark side... and tryen to taken over Quermia... noah to mentionen hissen master plan to dominaten der whole galaxy with evil fast-food chains... but hesa still mesa old apprentice, so...
Jawajuice: Yeah. He's going to be just fine. Visiting hours don't end for another twenty minutes, if you want to see him.
Jar Jar: Okeyday. Mesa seein' yousa around, okeyday?
The Narrator: Jawajuice leaves the building, and Jar Jar goes into E'etooi's room.

The Narrator: Six months later...
Jar Jar: Hey! How yousa knowen whatsa gonna happenen in six months?
The Narrator (exasperated): Look, I'm the Narrator, all right? I know these things. Anyway, six months later...

E'etooi is back on Tatooine with his partially sane wife, Krip'ooi, and the rest of his family. He thought about opening a salad bar to atone for his crimes, but was stymied by the utter lack of salad on Tatooine, and eventually decided to work as a psychiatrist for the Tatooine branch of Dr. Happtise's clinic.
Tup Tup Binks fulfilled her childhood dream of becoming an interstellar bounty hunter (the first Gungan ever to make a living in the field). Without regular surgery to replace her blood with that of a ysalamir, her force immunity has faded. However, she is still... well... a fair to decent bounty hunter.
The numerous assorted potato businesses across the galaxy that Jar Jar had mysteriously come into possession of got back on their feet when their executives were all discovered tied up in E'etooi's basement. This is the largest concentration of executives seen in such a small space since before the dawn of the Republic. It is unknown yet whether the psychological damage they caused to each other will be permanent.
Frick continues the hunt for Fluke, searching the tallest trees of Kashyyyk, the darkest valleys of Korriban, and the deepest oceans of Kamino (as well as the local Wal-Mart).
Meanwhile, Frack is also searching for Fluke, adeptly scouting lots of other inaccessible places that Frick hasn't already looked through.
And as for me (remember, the Narrator?) I've recently joined F.O.O.F.! It's just the sort of job for me - following an important person and commentating on everything he does because I'll sure as heck never be as cool as him! Maybe I'll narrate for Jar Jar and Yarael Poof now and then, but right now, I'm off to help Frick and Frack find Fluke!


Blogger F.O.O.F. said...

Woo-hoooo! More help! Yup, we'll find ya one day, Fluke ol boy. And when we do, we got a parade for you, a throne, lots of banners, some dancing girls and a chest full of ancient gold credits...just cos you're our hero.

5:18 AM  
Blogger F.O.O.F. said...

Hey! wait a second!!! Hold the horses!!!Are you kidding me?!?!?!

Two plus two does NOT equal Thursday?!?!
*Super-smack forehead slap*

5:20 AM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

By the way, great story.

5:21 AM  
Blogger flu said...

that WAS good... and purty colors...

but man... FOOF seems to really be gaining support - what's up with that?!?

7:00 AM  
Blogger Manufacturing Consent said...

We are not alone

3:20 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home