Friday, July 29, 2005

Jar Jar, Gungan Mystical Man

Jawajuice hassen asken me how yousa curen warts. There issen several ways:

  • Yousa could try hanging a live frog in a bag around yousa neck.
  • Personally, mesa suggesten a salve of peanut-butter and condensed milk in a... ooh... roughly 3:2 mix. But yousa mussen be sure no-one issen eaten yousa.
  • Dere issen a theory dat dere can be only a certain number of warts in der galaxy. Thissen may or may noah be true. But if yousa tinken issen true, den yousa mussen rub an object on yousa warts and leave it for someone else to finden. The warts will be transferren to themsa. Be sure to choosen something dat someone else issen likely to picken up. JJ, yousa could tryen der fork dat Leia brought for der Survivor: Tatooine game. Mesa should noah have sayen thassen.
  • Dip der affected body part in acid. Noah reccomended.
  • Maken der wart bleeden, and put a drop of blood on each of nine pieces of corn. Den, feeden der corn to a kaadu.
  • If all else fails, yousa mussen burn der wart off with a lightsabre.

If yousa asken mesa, mesa will offer mesa ancient Gungan mystical remedies to yousa free of charge, each Friday. Just comment on mesa most recent post, and mesa will pick out a request and tellen yousa how to fix itsa. Mesa will also offeren all kinds of other mystic stuff, from love potions to voodoo dolls

13 Comments:

Blogger flu said...

Jar Jar, today's post has given me the inspiration I need for a revolutionary invention!

runs back to lab

2:07 AM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Eeh...thanks Jar Jar, but maybe it's just a mole...or if I'm lucky, the black plauge.

2:42 AM  
Blogger Leia said...

I say the best cure for a wart is tons of booze.

4:19 AM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Oooooooo!
I like your suggestion better, Leia!

10:36 AM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Jar Jar, old pal! I'd like to know about that love potion thing. Hook a brother up.

2:56 PM  
Blogger Jar Jar Binks said...

JJ, iffen yousa haven der Black Plague, mesa suggesten dat yousa lock yousaself in a house, paint a red X on der door, and eaten nothing but cabbages for three days.
Typho, mesa will doin some researchen and getten back to yousa next week.

8:35 PM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Thanks, Jar Jar!

3:45 PM  
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