"No, I can't be sure he's working against me. Just like you couldn't be sure whether or not the Invisible Hand and three Separatist capital ships were closing in to attack Corellia last week. No, no excuses, please, commander. Just be ready to initiate order 67."
"That's the one where we get you a frankfurter with extra mustard to go, right?" Der commander looken puzzled.
"NO, you idiot! That's order 76! Or was it 75? Order 67 is-" Den mesa sneezen.
"ARGH!" Palpatine turnen off der commlink. "Jam Jar, what in the force are you doing here?"
"Er... mesa work here."
"Oh. Yes. Right. *Ahem*." Hesa looken at der floor.
"What? Are you still here?"
"Yousa noah given mesa der next mission yet, sir."
"Oh, yes, right. I daresay you know Fluke Starbucker?"
"He is a Founder of the New Jedi Order Wannabe. That means that if the Jedi order ever falls, his job is to pick up the pieces and found a New Jedi order."
"Issen nice to know theysa have a contingency plan. Der Jedi aresa berry wise."
"Yes, but it does aggravate things for me, rather. What with... you know... order 66."
"What? Haven't I told you that one?"
"Oh, well thank the force for that. Who knows what you'd be able to screw up if you had access to top-level secret plans like that. Anyway, Fluke Starbucker. I want you to... how do you say this tactfully? Terminate him."
"Eh? What for? Hesa a nice man. And hesa a FotNJOW. Hesa doin all kinds of heroic deeds, like fighten Darth Tater, and-"
"Oh, be quiet! I've heard enough about Fluke Starbucker's heroic deeds, thank you! I know you're not an assassin, technically..."
"Mesa noah an assassin, period."
"...but I am giving you a direct order. Order 492, as it happens. Now hop to it!"
"Aayla Secura speaking."
"Hesa wanten mesa to kill Fluke Starbucker! Whatsa mesa gonna do!?"
"Okay, Jar, just stay calm. There's gotta be a way around this..."
"Fluke can noah hiden like Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon issen dead, but Fluke hassen heroic deeds to performen!"
"Look, I have a plan. Obviously, it would be wrong for you to even try to assassinate a FotNJOW. But if you can pretend like you attacked him and lost..."
"Den mesa can hiden somewhere and der Supreme Chancellor will never knowen!"
"Exactly. You have to disappear, Jar Jar. I'll ask Fluke to put on a show; pretend he's been attacked. I'm sure he owes me a favor from someplace or other. As for you, I have some contacts in Core Worlds TV. They have a job opening as presenter on a game show. It's out of the way, you'll be close to home, and Palpatine won't know a thing about it until the show airs, which won't be until October, at least. In the mean time, I'll find some way for you to vanish permanently."
"Well... mesa supposen mesa accept."
"Great. Pack your bags and take the first available flight back to Naboo. And Jar Jar?"
"Did the Chancellor say anything about 'Order 66'?"
"Did he say what it meant?"
"No." Aayla sighen.
"Back to research, for me then. One last thing. Don't use your blog anymore. It's probably tapped."
Inside Palpatine's office, the old Chancellor attentively watches a hologram of Jar Jar and Aayla talking via commlink.
Aayla: I'll ask Fluke to put on a show; pretend he's been attacked. I'm sure he owes me a favor from someplace or other. As for you-
Suddenly, the image blurs, crackles, and vanishes. Palpatine looks at the projector angrily and hits it. Nothing happens. He tries again, and again. Nothing happens. He throws a short tantrum, hits the device once more, and illicits a response.
Aayla: -last thing. Don't use your blog anymore. It's probably tapped.
He crosses to a viewscreen on the wall, and taps several buttons next to it. A man's face appears on the screen.
???: Hey, Palpy, what's up?
Palpatine: I told you not to call me that! The man's smile hardens.
???: I'll call you whatever I please. The fans want to know your first name, sure. But as long as I don't give you one, I can use whichever abusive term suits me in our little chats. You're lucky I don't use that little name your mummy had for you when you were a youngling.
???: So, Palpy. What do you want?
Palpatine: It's about Jam Jar.
???: Jar Jar.
Palpatine: Whatever. He's definitely working with Aayla Secura against me.
???: *sighs* I suppose there's nothing for it. It'll have to be Order 67. The fans have been clamouring for it for years, you know. Some of those websites...
Palpatine: So, when can I give Order 66?
???: All in good time, Palps. Steve the Spider assures me that the opportune moment will arrive at the end of Episode III. Just 67 for now. And, by the force, be humane. You know I have a soft spot for Jar Jar, or I would have written him off a long time ago. Remember that.
Palpatine: Yes, sir... Can I just torture him a little bit? Just a teensy-
???: Be quiet. The image on the screen disappears.